In comparison with individual therapy where we are working with the individual, in couples or partnerships we are working with the relationship. My job can be to reflect back where the relationship is at, what is happening, and to make sense of it with the couple, so the couple gain more clarity.
People might come to couples therapy with an urgent sense of hurt/pain: we might try and understand and repair a difficult betrayal, whatever that may look like. Often this might be an affair, or an overstepping of some boundary explicitly or implicitly agreed, a relationship rupture which can feel like there is no going back. Therapy might look like understanding this rupture as a form of healing; therapy might also look like finding a way to a new position for the couple or the individuals.
People might come to couples therapy with a sense of disconnection: we don’t know how to communicate, or how do we better communicate our wants and needs in this relationship structure? What parts of our personal stories and histories are we bringing to this relationship, consciously and unconsciously? How does that influence our communication style? How do we make sense of all this?
Couples might also want to come to explore different relationship structures: polyamory, open relationship, monogamy even. How does this work? What if there is a mixed sexual orientation in the couple? How do we manage jealousy and time in a poly structure? How do dominant stories of being in a queer relationship affect how we’re coming to relationship?
Also, we might look at how different neurodivergences affect the couple (neurotypical or allistic vs neurodivergent or ASD)? Or, to put another way, how do people with different minds function in a relationship structure? How do we come to know each other’s minds without trying to change it or blame it or control it? Actually, are some changes possible?
Finally, how do systemic structures around gender, race, culture, privilege, financial security, health, disability play into and influence all of our stories when we come into relationship with an other?
I hope the above has helped give you an idea of some of the things we might be looking at in couples and partnershi- therapy. I look forward to working with you.